Monday, 7 November 2011

When a heart breaks...

When you're nursing a broken heart it's hard to do anything properly or tackle anything head on. It's a strange feeling which doesn't really burn you up like the flames which engulfed you when you first realised that you were in love with said heartbreaker, but still crushes you with un-requited pain just the same. It's as if some parasite is slowly sucking the oxygen from your breath until all that remains is ice and a feeble attempt at sarcasm. In fact, the more I compare the two states the more I see that they are not actually so different. If I lay the two situations out, one on top of each other like a sheet of tracing paper (which tears very easily) on top of a shiny neatly unfolded map (on which the directions and the place names keep fading and changing) I can actually see the striking difference between the two.

The difference between falling in love and being totally and demonstrably heart broken? When all the kisses lay smashed like cut crystal and the promises made, now belong to the heart of a stranger? The difference my friends, is HOPE. Right now HOPE seems only as far away as death. A lonely death, surrounded by pillars of salt and drowning in the frozen blood of a broken heart.


Sunday, 6 November 2011

Paris

So today I find myself in a small rock and roll bar in a back street of Paris. I am alone again. I spent the last week or so in England travelling from London to Stockton and then onwards to Scunthorpe and then finally up to Edinburgh. From the closeness of the tour bus I find myself isolated in one of the busiest cities of the world. I seem to be an expert at seeking out solitude in the busiest of hubs. Paris is undoubtedly a little more forgiving than London, this is probably due to its hidden streets of dive bars with their unisex toilets and their darkly lit lounges. I can see why many famous writers and artists made Paris their home for the twilight of their existence.
Through the dirty window I can see an open air coin operated launderette. 

There are groups of people sitting around waiting for their past lives to be washed out of their clothes ready to take on the stains of another week's work. There is an old lady shaking a rug out of her first floor window directly onto the blissfully ignorant inhabitants of the laundry who are mesmerised by the spinning and tumbling of their smalls.


Diagonally across the room sit two beautiful French girls engrossed in a heart to heart. The one with her back to me appears to be heaping advice onto the frail beauty facing me. She is clutching a full pint of beer whilst still managing to appear so French and ladylike as only the French ladies can. 
Meanwhile Bill Hailey and the Comets thrash out another of their tunes, pulling the ghosts of this bar from the walls and for a split second taking me back to a post-war Paris of the fifties. This time however the two girls are being thrown around the room by the two twenty something French gentlemen engrossed in a lively conversation on the table to my right.  I am guessing that Paris hasn't changed so much.